Email Roundtable #7 – The Fantasy Reality Edition

In this “all-game” version of the Roundtable we attempt to discuss the reality shows we would like to be on. 

(Disclaimer: during this Roundtable, Jane was having some email issues but still, as always, did a wonderful job).

Kerri: Thanks for the suggestion for this Roundtable, Katie. In keeping with the reality show theme, I think we will make this an all-game version of the Roundtable (of course, we will still have our regular shout outs at the end). The first part of the game is (per Katie’s suggestion): which reality show, past or present, would you like to be on or think you would do well on? 

Katie: I have a lot of answers to this question, so please bear with me. The first is a game show, and it is the easiest game show on TV: Wheel. Of. Fortune!! I would love to be on Wheel because I know that I would dominate. It is so easy to win a lot of money and the contestants never really seem that smart.

Kerri: Personally, I would kill to be a judge on Top Chef. I know that’s kind of cheating. But, I mean, really? Would there be a better job? Or, better yet, a judge on Top Chef Masters.

Speaking of which, I’m enjoying the new season of Top Chef quite a lot so far. They have been shaking things up a bit, which is great and they came up with an ingenious idea to pick the contestants at the start of the season. I like!

Katie: To properly answer the question, I think I would do well at Big Brother. Being good at physical challenges isn’t much of an advantage, so I’m good there. Also, I consider myself a pretty good listener – so in a house full of loudmouths I feel I would do ok. The biggest problem would be the smell of 12 adult humans living in a small house. I’m pretty sure the smell would get to me. I can’t stand dirty people.

Kerri: I find that very interesting, Katie. I would do terribly on Big Brother. I think I would do better on a show that I would have a bit more control over like The Amazing Race. I could see me and my sister being alright on that show.

Katie: See, I would do terribly on the Amazing Race because it would mean cooperating with one person while running for a REALLY long time. I would do much better gossiping behind people’s backs while laying in the sun all day.

Kerri:  I am so the opposite. One person I can deal with.  Big Brother would make me crazy and I think I’d do horribly with the social game because I’d just think everyone was a moron.

Katie: For the record, I would just like to say that I hate everyone who has ever been on Big Brother. I WOULD NOT want to spend a summer with them, but I think if I was motivated enough to win the cash I could do it.

Kerri: The Amazing Race, on the other hand, I might fight with my sister but at least I wouldn’t have to be locked in a house with a bunch of people.

Jane: I would be terrible at Big Brother because my feelings would be hurt all the time. I’d spend the whole show crying. Kerri you would kick butt at The Amazing Race!

Katie: Very true. I would love to see you and your sister on The Amazing Race!

Kerri: I’d spend most of the time crying on any of these shows, I’m sure.

Jane: This is a really tough question, because although I like to watch reality shows, I don’t have any of the skills necessary to actually be on any of my favorites. I can’t cook or sew, so Top Chef, Chopped and Project Runway are all out.

Kerri: I’m in the same boat. I’d be awful at almost every game-style reality show.

Jane: There was reality show on a few years back. I don’t remember the name and it was pretty awful, but it was about a bunch of ladies competing to be in some big horror movie. I think I’d be pretty good at that one. I have good screaming skills, plus the action happening around me would likely scare me so much that my fear would be extra authentic.

Kerri: Oh, yes! I remember that show, Jane, although I can’t remember what it was called either. I’ll have to look it up.

Katie: I would love to have seen that show, Jane! For like one episode. How would they maintain a show like that? Different horror-related challenges?

Kerri: I can’t remember how it all worked. I feel like there was a casting director that would put women through different challenges.

Jane: It was called Scream Queens. They would make them do scenes covered in blood and running away, a lot.

Kerri: Thanks so much for finding the name. It would have made me crazy trying to figure it out.

Katie: Would either of you try out the Reality Show of All Reality Shows? I’m talking about Survivor.

Kerri: The ONLY thing I think I might, maybe do ok at on Survivor is the social aspect of the game. I’d be terrible at challenges and I’d be terrible at the backstabbing stuff.

Katie: I don’t think I’d like to be on Survivor. The social game would be ok – and the making jokes to the camera would be ok – but getting sand in my crack and bugs under my skin would make me cry relentlessly. I’m not one to rough it.

One great staple of reality TV! The private interview crying.

Kerri: So, we are all in agreement: we would be the cry-ers on any of these shows.

Jane: I would be horrible at Survivor. I’m not athletic enough. Also, I’m terrified of lightning.

Katie: Speaking of shows I’d do amazing at – if I was a hell of a lot prettier and American, I think I’d do well at America’s Next Top Model. All you have to do is squint and “find the light.”

Kerri: And “smile with your eyes”

Katie: Smize.

Jane: Smize!

Katie: Barf. I’m sad I know that term.

Kerri: Here is another cheat from me: House Hunters International. Because it would mean I was wealthy enough to buy a house in a tropical paradise.

Katie: Hahaha good call.

Kerri, I would like to face you in a series of Survivor-like challenges.

Kerri: What does that even mean? But, yes, ok.

Katie: I don’t know exactly, but I think it would be fun. I’m not normally competitive, but you are? Right? And we both like Survivor so I feel it would be a rewarding experience, facing off with you in Survivor.

Kerri: Competitive? Me? Not really. But, I could see it being fun! Let’s design something for one of our future Roundtables.

Katie: No climbing up rope ladders or anything – just like digging and puzzles and stuff.

Kerri: Or, like, bug eating? They don’t do that all that much anymore though.

Jane: I would get to play Jeff Probst

Kerri: OK. We will get right to the last part of the game.

Design a challenge for Top Chef that says “you”.

Here is mine:

1. Make me some vegetarian breakfast food.

or

2. Feed me all of the scallops.

Katie: My challenge for the contestants of Top Chef would be:

Make a dessert (because that’s always where the Chefs fail) that features fruit (because that’s my favourite food).

Jane: Make me three delicious meals all involving hot sauce

Kerri: Those are AWESOME challenges!

Time for final shout outs.

I’d like to give a shout out to the shows Kidstreet and Supermarket Sweep. Both of which I would have liked to have been on as a kid with my sister. I guess she’s the only person I’d do ok with on a game/reality show!

Katie: Always go for the meat and cheese wheels.

Jane: OBUS FORMS!

Katie: Shout out to the all the crazy men and women on the Bachelor(ette)! I don’t know if anyone is watching but I hope you all find love.

Jane: My shout out goes to Jeopardy. My Grandpa and I used to have Jeopardy competitions. Looking back, I think he let me answer first most of the time.

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